I pity the Newell
It’s easy to say the wrong thing. When the wife told me she’d received a fine for not wearing a seatbelt, I probably shouldn’t have responded with; “Why’s that then? Wouldn’t it fit?”
Mike Newell is in a similar boat. His controversial views on female officials have landed him in a spot of bother; but in my opinion, there could well be a nail with a pounding headache. It’s unfair to ask a woman to make crucial decisions less than 24 hours after an episode of Emmerdale.
All joking aside, Amy Rayner is more than capable. If I had to mark her performance using the binary scale, I’d give her ‘1’.
Is it a coincidence that Spurs are wearing a chocolate coloured kit now that women are running the line? (A lady will be less inclined to flag for offside if they’re contemplating a large dairy milk.) If you’re not cynical about the situation, you probably haven’t thought it through. There’s no need to ponder for too long on the outcome of the Blackburn v Tottenham match. Be a smarty; eat up the 8/5 about a home win.
Alan Pardew and Jose Mourinho are the undisputed kings of the goal celebration. Let’s hope there’s not a lady lino on duty when Chelsea face West Ham, or it could turn into a scene from ‘Saturday Night Fever’. The champions have too much for the Hammers; their title hopes will be stayin’ alive at 1/4.
Jose Mourinho has had a pop at the Chelsea fans, he’s accused them of being quieter than El Hadji Diouf’s wife. Chelsea supporters will have plenty to sing about if they cover the 2-0/3-0 correct scores at 5/2.
The word on the street is that Frank Lampard is to be offered a new deal worth £130,000 a week; that buys a whole lot of chicken wings. The Lamp has found the net in three of his last five games; he’s worth a nibble at 13/8 to score against his former employers.
It’s fair to say that Iain Dowie made an absolute ‘Desert Orchid’ of the Charlton job; sorry, I meant ‘dog’s dinner’. Charlton are bottom of the table and haven’t won in Reading for 25 years, the Royals should be backed at a majestic even money.
Finding Michael Jackson babysitting work is tough, finding Mike Newell a job at the equal opportunities commission is even tougher, but finding a winner in the Everton v Bolton match is proving nigh impossible. I can’t see past the draw at 9/4.
Sir Alex was far from happy when news broke that Keith Hackett had arranged a meeting with Jose Mourinho. Fergie’s voice reached such a high pitch, Mike Newell wanted him removed from the touchline. United have won on their last three visits to Bramall Lane without conceding a goal, I fancy a repeat at 11/10.
Gareth Southgate has led Boro up to 13th place in the Premiership, which makes him over-qualified for the position of England manager. Liverpool have won only two of their last eight league match-ups with Middlesbrough, and both of those were at Anfield. The Boro look a corking investment at 12/5 to triumph at the Riverside.
With the managerial merry-go-round now under way, Stuart Pearce must be sweating like Mike Newell at a feminist convention. Fulham must be backed at 12/5 to see off Man City.
The wife hates it when i make patronizing comments; the poor little lamb gets ever so upset. You’ll be screaming if you miss Aston Villa at 2/1 away to Wigan.
Let me just clarify, I am not a sexist; I enjoy conversations about cushions. Everybody’s talking about the 4/6 on offer for Pompey at home to Watford; it’s as tasty as a chicken tikka masala.
I had a lovely Indian on Wednesday night to celebrate England’s draw in Holland; her name was Sanjita. There was an immediate chemistry between us; Rohypnol. I’m loving Arsenal at 1/3 at home to Newcastle.
The argument for this week’s accer is so convincing, Mike Newell is reconsidering his hard-line stance on women’s rights. Arsenal, Chelsea, Portsmouth, Reading and an Everton draw are the five selections; you have the right to collect at a bra-burning 15/1.
Weekend Betting:
Man City v Fulham Saturday 18th November 12:45 Live on Premiership Plus
Man City 6/5
Draw 9/4
Fulham 12/5
Get on: Fulham
Match Special:
Papa Bouba Diop to score with a header 9/1
Arsenal v Newcastle Saturday 18th November 15:00
Arsenal 1/3
Draw 4/1
Newcastle 10/1
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Henry to score two or more goals 11/4
Chelsea v West Ham Saturday 18th November 15:00
Chelsea 1/4
Draw 9/2
West Ham 14/1
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special:
Frank Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 10/3
Everton v Bolton Saturday 18th November 15:00
Everton 13/10
Draw 9/4
Bolton 2/1
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
No goalscorer in the game 8/1
Portsmouth v Watford Saturday 18th November 15:00
Portsmouth 4/6
Draw 5/2
Watford 9/2
Get on: Portsmouth
Match Special:
Pedro Mendes to score at any time 5/1
Reading v Charlton Saturday 18th November 15:00
Reading Evs
Draw 9/4
Charlton 3/1
Get on: Reading
Match Special:
Reading to win and keep a clean sheet 2/1
Sheff Utd v Man Utd Saturday 18th November 15:00
Sheff Utd 8/1
Draw 7/2
Man Utd 4/11
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Saha to score two or more goals 3/1
Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 18th November 17:15 Live on Premiership Plus
Middlesbrough 12/5
Draw 9/4
Liverpool 6/5
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special:
Middlesbrough to win 1-0 8/1
Wigan v Aston Villa Sunday 19th November 13:30 Live on Sky
Wigan 6/4
Draw 9/4
Aston Villa 2/1
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Chris Sutton to score the first goal 8/1
Blackburn v Tottenham Sunday 19th November 16:00 Live on Sky
Blackburn 8/5
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 2/1
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special:
McCarthy to score the only goal of the game 33/1
Copyright (c) Gerry McDonnell & Soccerphile.com